Most spouses and parents know that they have much to improve on, so what specifically can we work on with our spouse and children? There are many characteristics of a strong family. Here are a few:
Prioritize from 1 to 10 the behaviors that need work, with 1 being the most critical and 10 being the least critical or that you might have already conquered.
Spouse
Children
Open and regular communication.
Time together—quality time and quantity time
Openness / honesty
Trust
Feeling loved/cared for
Feeling safe/secure
An environment of forgiveness
The fruit of the Spirit is evident—Galatians 5:22
Strong spiritual atmosphere—seeking God
Touch
Ninety percent of high school students say that “they can confide in and talk to at least one family member about things. As students struggle with problems, they find that they can talk to their families. Is that true in your family? Why or why not? It could be that one child is more candid with one parent, and a different child is more open with a different parent. There is not a right or wrong answer, but the fact that they can share struggles and issues with you is important.
Read Matthew 10:39; John 13:12–14; and 1 Timothy 5:8.
It is not easy to build a strong family, just as it is not easy to become physically fit. It takes discipline and time. Our family should be our primary focus, our primary career, our primary project. We are affecting history with this selfless decision. Time and money have one thing in common—once spent, they are gone forever. There is a shortage of future, so don’t waste any time and don’t wait “until you have time.” It will never happen. You must make time.
The road to selflessness starts at home. When coming home from my first job, I knew that I must focus on my most important job—my family. The rationale comes easy for plopping in front of the television, unwinding, or just plain having some “me” time. Edith and Francis Schaeffer founded an international study center and Christian community in Switzerland. Edith’s plain analysis of the family makes it all so simple: “How precious a thing is the human family. Is it not worth some sacrifice in time, energy, safety, discomfort, and work? Does anything come forth without work?”
For many parents, the challenge is to balance “work” and “family.” It is possible that they can be in balance and even complement each other if you work at it. For particular life seasons, it might be harder than for others, and you might have to make some adjustments. It also might be that you just need a heart or mindset change in how you view your work and how you view your family. You might need to value one or both more. Many of us have become so used to a life of imbalance that we do not know another path. Balance is key, and this might mean some tough decisions—turning down a promotion, not moving, or taking a hard look at priorities.
It might be that a mother needs to transition back to the home. It might be that the greatest generational impact you could make is to have a full focus on raising and influencing your children, or you might find a compromise part-time job working from home. Listen to your gut, your spouse, and to your God. Seek God with your spouse. That dual income might not be worth the stress on the family and the missed teaching moments. It also might not be producing the financial advantage you think. There is much pressure to focus on career, when your family might need you more.
Many tools to help you are available in A Lasting Legacy.
